Letters of Recommendation for Graduate School: What You Need to Know (Even If It Stings a Little)

How Much Do Letters of Recommendation Matter?

This depends. Some master’s programs have given up on letters of recommendation and focus exclusively on objective criteria like GPA and test scores. But in many doctoral programs and some master’s programs—especially competitive ones—they matter a lot. Committees use them to get a glimpse of who you are beyond the numbers: your intellectual curiosity, your work ethic, your character, and your potential to succeed and thrive in a rigorous academic environment. A strong letter can push a borderline candidate into the admit pile. A weak one can sink an otherwise stellar application. At the time a strong one, might offset less than stellar grades or test scores.  

The Hidden Risk: A Bad or Mediocre Letter

Here’s where things get a little uncomfortable. Not every professor or supervisor you know well is a good choice. Some may like you personally but not believe in your readiness for grad school. Some may just be too busy or disengaged to write anything more than a generic template. And yes, some might even write a polite but coded letter that communicates doubt. Admission committees can spot these from a mile away.

Admissions committees are trained to read between the lines, and many have learned to spot what are sometimes called “coded slights” or “damning with faint praise”—phrasing that seems neutral or even complimentary on the surface but actually signals doubt, disinterest, or even concern about the candidate.

Here are some examples, along with what they often imply:

⚠️ Faint praise: "I believe this student will do fine in graduate school."

• Translation: They’ll survive, but I don't expect brilliance. “Fine” is a red flag—committees are looking for students who will thrive, contribute, and stand out.

⚠️ Faint Praise: "Although I didn’t get to know them well, they performed adequately in my course."

• Translation: I don’t know this student well enough to recommend them, and I didn’t go out of my way to learn more. Signals weak connection and lukewarm impression.

⚠️ Faint Praise: "They improved over time and showed steady progress."

• Translation: They started out poorly and barely met expectations. Without context or enthusiasm, this sounds like backhanded praise.

⚠️ Coded Slight: "This student is very pleasant and works well with others."

• Translation: They were nice, but I don’t have anything academically impressive to say. Overemphasis on personality without mention of intellect or work ethic is a red flag.

⚠️ Coded Slight: "I cannot comment on their writing ability."

• Translation: Their writing was not memorable—or it was poor. If the recommender truly doesn’t know, that’s a problem. If they’re avoiding comment, that’s worse.

⚠️ Coded Slight: "Given the right environment, I think this student could succeed."

• Translation: They need a lot of support and may not be ready now. This implies risk.

⚠️ Coded Slight: "They completed all assignments and met the requirements of the course."

• Translation: They did the bare minimum. Sounds like an obligation letter, not a genuine endorsement

Bottom Line:

Strong letters name specific strengths and express clear enthusiasm:

• "I strongly recommend..."
• "One of the most intellectually curious students I've taught..."
• "Her work in my lab has been outstanding..."
• "I have no doubt she will thrive in a graduate program..."

If a letter doesn’t sound like that, it’s not strong—and it might be hurting more than helping. That’s why you should never list a recommender without asking them if they feel confident writing you a strong, positive letter.

Before You List a Recommender: Ask. Directly.

Don’t just assume someone will write you a letter because you took their class or worked in their lab. Ask them specifically:

“Would you be able to write me a strong, supportive letter of recommendation for graduate school?”

If their answer is anything less than enthusiastic—“I guess I could”, “I don’t really remember your work but sure”, “I’ll try but I’m really swamped”—thank them and move on. You’re not being rude. You’re protecting your future.

You want someone who can say:

• “This student is among the top X% I’ve worked with.”
• “They showed consistent intellectual engagement.”
• “They’re ready to take on the demands of graduate study.”

And most importantly, someone who means it.

The Ideal Recommender

• Knows your academic work: They’ve seen you write, present, solve problems, ask good questions.
• Knows your work ethic: They can attest to how you show up, how you manage deadlines, and how you respond to feedback.
• Understands your goals: They can link what you’ve done with what you hope to do—and speak to your future potential.

This might be a professor, a research mentor, or a supervisor in a relevant field. It doesn’t have to be the person with the fanciest title. It has to be the person who can tell your story with conviction.

Make It Easy for Them

Even the most willing letter writer can struggle if they don’t have enough to go on. Your job is to give them the materials they need to write you a strong, tailored letter. Here’s what to send:

• Your current resume or CV
• A short description of your goals for graduate study
• The list of schools and programs you’re applying to
• Clear instructions for how and where to submit letters
  (e.g., via an online portal, email, Interfolio)
• Your deadlines—and a reminder one week before
  (Don’t assume they’ll remember on their own)
• If you did strong work for them—like a final paper, research project, or presentation—include a copy. People are busy. They may not remember exactly what you did, but if you jog their memory, you’ll get a better letter.

Keep in mind that in many cases, your deadlines are their deadlines. Your application may not be deemed complete if your letters of recommendation have not been received.  

Confidentiality and Letters of Recommendation 

When you apply to a graduate program, the application system will typically ask you to list your letter writers and their contact information. The system contacts them directly and they upload their letter of recommendation directly to the system. You won’t see the letters of recommendation and the vast majority of universities do not allow you to submit your own letters of recommendation. Many application systems will ask you to answer the following question: Do you waive your right to view the recommendation letters?  Your answer to this question is shared with the letter writer.

A typical notification from an admission system might look like this: 

Dear Dr. X, Applicant Y has applied to university Z and is requesting a letter of recommendation from you. Applicant Y has waived their right to view the letter of recommendation. To upload your letter, go here…

Failure to waive your right may indicate to your letter writer that you don’t trust them. Again, this is why you should have a conversation with your letter writers before you list them on your application. If you aren’t confident that your letter writer can provide a strong letter of support, you shouldn’t add them as a reference.  

Final Thought

Your letters of recommendation are not the part of your application to leave to chance. They’re not optional. They’re not minor. Treat them like what they are: a crucial part of your story, told through the voices of people who know your strengths and believe in your future. Choose wisely, prepare thoroughly, and follow through.

Because in the end, a good letter won’t just check a box—it could open a door.